c2018

After reading all my previous entries, I really believe I need to start a new journal. None of those entries are happy, nothing can be gained from remembering that happened. I need to put that all behind me. Wow, one thing that hasnapos;t changed...I donapos;t feel like writing again. Okay, Iapos;ll keep trying. Even my entry about "trying". What bull shit. Not to be negative but Iapos;m like Paul. Always talking of change but never actually changing. Like they say, when I�want to change I will right? Ma wants me to bake cakes. The whole wedding (even though I donapos;t agree with marriage and will be wondering how long theyapos;ll last lol), anniversary, and birthday thing. Can you believe one of my thoughts, after the predictable initial excitement, was oh my God thatapos;s going to be a lot of work. Iapos;m so fucking lazy. When did this happen? I used to love school. Not going makes me feel like shit anyway. The fact that my old friends are two years ahead of me in college doesnapos;t exactly cheer me up. Well, enough on that subject. I can say all I want Iapos;ll get a job, go to school, and work out but to stay slightly positive weapos;ll see. So to Illinois. When Iapos;m not freaking out at the idea of going, Iapos;m actually thinking about the sights I want to visit again. Like Chicago, or the drive-in, etc. But then I start thinking about how miserable I�was at that house and how boring the rest of Illinois is Oh God, I donapos;t think I want to go. But I donapos;t think there is any stopping Ma and Alex. Theyapos;re fucking hell bent on going. I do understand. Itapos;s been....interesting here. Kinda shitty if Iapos;m just being honest. Some good times though. As usual we canapos;t seem to find a way to get back on�a happy track. All of us living together is hard. For so many reasons. By the way I realize that if I ever want to get into detail about that Iapos;ll write it someday. Itapos;s just too difficult to take like seven months of details and write it all down in an hour *shrugs*. I donapos;t know really, the snow will be great. I look forward to the familiarity just as much as I dread it. Moving on. Iapos;m stressing about the baby shower. We still have to paint, decorate, think of meals. God I donapos;t want to see Kelliapos;s family. Can you believe it? We really have to spend the day with them. I hope they leave early. Most of all I hope they donapos;t give Ma shit. Itapos;ll be amazingly difficult. Patience right? The boys, Ma and I will just have to lean on each other. Itapos;s not fair that weapos;ve been here all along, trying to help. Ma gives all her money and time. They on the other hand get to try to steal Kelliapos;s son from her and get to come. Weird. Iapos;ve got to stop tying soon. Josh wants to get on the computer. Pain in the ass, but I love him. Thatapos;s a whole other story. Wow actually. Iapos;ll probably tell that one another night when Iapos;ve got more time. A new development that I didnapos;t necessarily see coming but mostly didnapos;t think it would, lol?�I was going to write more about Kameron, but Iapos;m very tired. Iapos;m sure Iapos;ll have time tomorrow. Well, night =). We have to get up early because Chris is coming to get Ethan tomorrow and we have to put all our boxes in storage. So over all, a very fun fucking day. Believe me Iapos;ll make time to get away.

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We went to the beach today, I love living in Australia half way through spring and we are at the beach, beautiful the water was�so clear. I was standing waist deep and watching little fish nibble at my toes, they seem to like red nail polish
Sitting back now and having a couple of beers. Should be having a barbie for tea to finish it all off but we had one last night so Col is cooking his fabulous curry instead, mmmmm curry
�� Come on summer...

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Wow, i just remembered the dream i had while i was napping. I was in LA to get my glasses for some reason, riding in the car with my mom and my aunt, we were driving by the Pjapos;s and top value, my mom almost hit someone at the crosswalk but i stopped her. We kept driving, found parking then we got out of the car, my mom was shopping for something, cant recall what. I had a scooter haha i scooted my way across the street from top value to where Braddock Drive Elementary is (my elementary school) then i crossed the street to the street again to the street right next to Braddock, i turn back around and i see a pretty white chick across the street where i was at, in front of braddock, i want to go talk to her, but i dont. She yells at me from across the street asking me for a quarter so i reach in my pocket and i take it out and chuck it to her but it bounces off her hand and flys back to me. So she crosses the street to the Top Value side and i go back to the street where braddock is. Cars are passing by in between us and she is still looking at me, smiling asking for the quarter, so i chuck the quarter over passing traffic, i see it land perfectly into her hand but it shoots back and i see it coming and i catch it in mid air, it happens in about the blink of an eye sooo she decides to come into the street while cars are stopped because the light is red and she still wants me to toss it to her but instead of tossing it i go into the street and just hand it to her. I think thats where it ends.

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Iapos;m feelinapos; it

daydreams of peoples feet melting to the ground and doing as much destruction as possible from that position. Kind of like trees in a storm but more rock and roll.

iapos;m sure i have a job. Money will be cool. Everything has been building up again since the beginning of the month to things that i believe in. I tell people that i have a hard time coming out of summer.

iapos;ve been getting sensations and butterflies for some reasons lately. Driving down a steep hill listening to the grateful dead staring at the ocean or realizing everything exists and feeling it in one instance that echoes through everythingness.

when i live to be post apocalyptic my family will where paint and jean shorts and dance around a fire shouting spells in the ancient language hunger striking in contempt.

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...wish that�I lived in a world where judgement didnapos;t exist, and everyone thought on the same level.
I wish that confessions didnapos;t have to be called confessions; whatapos;s there to be ashamed of?
No one should have to hide anything about themselves to impress someone else, seriously. I wish people would grow up and speak their mind.

A few facts about me that I donapos;t care who knows:
-Iapos;m a born again Christian
-In my library of songs, you will find a couple of songs from�Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, The Cheetah Girls, the Jonas Brothers, Aly and AJ all the way to Bring Me the Horizon, August Burns Red, Attack Attack, He is Legend, mychildrenmybride, Underoath, etc.
-I get excited when Camp Rock is on the Disney Channel�
-I want to see HSM3

See?�That wasnapos;t hard�:B

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