c2018

After reading all my previous entries, I really believe I need to start a new journal. None of those entries are happy, nothing can be gained from remembering that happened. I need to put that all behind me. Wow, one thing that hasnapos;t changed...I donapos;t feel like writing again. Okay, Iapos;ll keep trying. Even my entry about "trying". What bull shit. Not to be negative but Iapos;m like Paul. Always talking of change but never actually changing. Like they say, when I�want to change I will right? Ma wants me to bake cakes. The whole wedding (even though I donapos;t agree with marriage and will be wondering how long theyapos;ll last lol), anniversary, and birthday thing. Can you believe one of my thoughts, after the predictable initial excitement, was oh my God thatapos;s going to be a lot of work. Iapos;m so fucking lazy. When did this happen? I used to love school. Not going makes me feel like shit anyway. The fact that my old friends are two years ahead of me in college doesnapos;t exactly cheer me up. Well, enough on that subject. I can say all I want Iapos;ll get a job, go to school, and work out but to stay slightly positive weapos;ll see. So to Illinois. When Iapos;m not freaking out at the idea of going, Iapos;m actually thinking about the sights I want to visit again. Like Chicago, or the drive-in, etc. But then I start thinking about how miserable I�was at that house and how boring the rest of Illinois is Oh God, I donapos;t think I want to go. But I donapos;t think there is any stopping Ma and Alex. Theyapos;re fucking hell bent on going. I do understand. Itapos;s been....interesting here. Kinda shitty if Iapos;m just being honest. Some good times though. As usual we canapos;t seem to find a way to get back on�a happy track. All of us living together is hard. For so many reasons. By the way I realize that if I ever want to get into detail about that Iapos;ll write it someday. Itapos;s just too difficult to take like seven months of details and write it all down in an hour *shrugs*. I donapos;t know really, the snow will be great. I look forward to the familiarity just as much as I dread it. Moving on. Iapos;m stressing about the baby shower. We still have to paint, decorate, think of meals. God I donapos;t want to see Kelliapos;s family. Can you believe it? We really have to spend the day with them. I hope they leave early. Most of all I hope they donapos;t give Ma shit. Itapos;ll be amazingly difficult. Patience right? The boys, Ma and I will just have to lean on each other. Itapos;s not fair that weapos;ve been here all along, trying to help. Ma gives all her money and time. They on the other hand get to try to steal Kelliapos;s son from her and get to come. Weird. Iapos;ve got to stop tying soon. Josh wants to get on the computer. Pain in the ass, but I love him. Thatapos;s a whole other story. Wow actually. Iapos;ll probably tell that one another night when Iapos;ve got more time. A new development that I didnapos;t necessarily see coming but mostly didnapos;t think it would, lol?�I was going to write more about Kameron, but Iapos;m very tired. Iapos;m sure Iapos;ll have time tomorrow. Well, night =). We have to get up early because Chris is coming to get Ethan tomorrow and we have to put all our boxes in storage. So over all, a very fun fucking day. Believe me Iapos;ll make time to get away.

baptist pastors conference, c2018, c202, c202 hit.